that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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