Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was CRYING into my vagina
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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