Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
