Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
