I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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