i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
