So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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