When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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