Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize