how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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