I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize