Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
