Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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