She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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