420 ftw
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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