I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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