Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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