He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
