going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
