dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
