I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
