So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
