how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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