someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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