Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
