He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
