okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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