He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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