he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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