Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
