Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
