so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
