Sry I called you an 8
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
