I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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