this boner is exhausting
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm both gender and math confused
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
