I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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