as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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