Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
