I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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