dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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