1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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