Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
