hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
