At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
