is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
