I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A+ Viking dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize