Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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