Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
