Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
