she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
