So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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