you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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