my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
