also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize